Okay
by Modern Demigod Hero
Summary: "It's impossible to feel okay when I already felt the pain of the world crashing down on me and knowing that so much is dead but somehow I'm still alive." Aftermath of Infinity War. Peter's thoughts dealing with the death of his mentor.


**I never write anything but I'm giving this a try. So if it sucks tell me to stop before I do something crazy.**

 **Since Avengers: Infinity War is like a month away and this plot bubble that I've seen too many times to count came to me. Hope you enjoy!**

 **This is not beta'd so beware of so much mistakes**

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 _I'm not okay_

It's impossible to feel okay when I already felt the pain of the world crashing down on me and knowing that so much is dead but somehow I'm still alive. Knowing that the good guys won but only when the bad guys won first. Knowing that Thanos took Tony from the world, from his friends and family, and from me. It was supposed to be an ordinary bus ride and a boring day at school. I was supposed to be wishing for the longest week I ever had to be over so I can be Spiderman and save people. I guess my wish came true since it was the longest week of pain and suffering and I did get to be Spiderman and save people but not everybody.

The world grieved for him.

 _Tony Stark '_ _billionaire playboy philanthropist' is dead_

 _Iron Man died while saving the world from evil Titian_

 _Is Iron Man really dead?_

 _Is the world now safe without Tony Stark and Iron Man?_

The internet and media exploded with stories and rumors that Aunt May told me not to watch or listen. But how could I not? Is this what people say when somebody just sacrificed themselves to save the world. I couldn't deal with it. I'm not strong. I can't handle anything, I couldn't save him. If I couldn't save Tony then I couldn't save anyone else. So I packed the Iron Spider away. Not deep enough that I couldn't reach it anymore but far enough that I didn't have to be reminded of the guilt that it carried. The guilt that I can't deal with.

* * *

The world was moving on from the events of the Infinity War. People cleaning up the mess and destruction Thanos left behind. May helped with some clean up in the area despite her not wanting to leave me on my own. I regretted that decision for letting her go because I'm not okay. I needed her to help me not them but I couldn't be selfish. I couldn't cry all day and blame myself for everything because Tony wasn't mine. I wasn't the only person to know him or care about him.

I went to school 2 weeks later. There wasn't much to do since Midtown was closed for 3 weeks and was reaching the end of my last year at high school. People just studied or caught up with their friends of what happened them. Ned and I didn't talk much as we sat at our usually lunch table. I knew he wanted to ask but I'm glad he stayed silent because I know, I couldn't answer any.

"Hey losers" MJ says as she fits herself in the sit in front of us. Michelle has become closer to us in the last two years. I may have a tiny crush on her but that doesn't matter because I feel like she already knows.

"Did you guys hear about that-" Ned starts talking and the conversation easily slips in as I slip out. I nod and laugh during some parts but they know that I'm not really listening. I never realized how grateful I am to have such friends.

* * *

Days past. Then weeks and I slowly feel myself letting go. Not by myself of course. May's cooking always think about how grateful I am even with terrible food. Not like I'm ever gonna say that about her cooking. Also her comfort and love help. MJ and Ned always find a way to make me life. I suspect them working together is a huge factor. The weight and blame is starting to loosen and I'm okay with that.

There's a knock at the door but I already know who it is so I don't check if it's a murder in a mask at my door coming to kill me. I open the door to MJ and awkwardly let her in since I somehow got my sleeve of my sweater stuck to the door. Michelle's wearing a simple dress but she manages to look stunning. She laughs as I look at my hands cause anything is better then her face.

"You ready, Tiger" She said as she loops her arm around mine. Being the gentleman I am, I go along with it. We exit the apartment building with jokes and laughter that I don't want to admit that I missed.

We see a terrible movie that for some reason wasn't that bad. I drop MJ outside of her house. Going inside is too suspicious according to her and her older sister. So we stand outside of her porch.

"That wasn't actually that bad to be honest" I say trying to end the conversation smoothly.

"Goodnight, Peter" Michelle replies with but not before she kisses me. I stand there probably looking like an idiot. She waves goodbye when closing the door.

I go back home. I look into the closet and see it neatly folded. I grab the shoulders and appreciate it for a second. This is the second last thing Tony left me. I should use it to help people. I should also use the last thing Tony left me, his hope for a better world.

 _"Hello, Peter"_ The A.I is alive. " _I'm glad your back"_ She continues. I smile under my mask. I missed Karen.

"I'm glad too"

For the first time in forever (more like 2 months) Spiderman is spotted in the streets and leaving webs wherever he goes.

 _I'm okay_

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 **I don't know why but this was hard for me to write because I had no idea what I did. Well that sucks.**

 **~ Modern Demigod Hero**


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